The Snake Bastard vs The Monkey Trainer
by virgo-princess93
Summary: (rated PG13 to be safe)What do you get when you mix Shido, Ban, a few of the other characters and a whole lot of liquor? You get a lot of craziness, including this story! Please read and review!


Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own the Get Backers. Sadly.

Enjoy!

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The Snake Bastard vs. The Monkey Trainer 

By: virgo-princess93

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It all started when Ginji began asking Ban and Paul if they could celebrate a party in the Honky Tonk…. Apparently, for no reason at all. That was according to Ban. Ginji said that they should celebrate for having a good year. Which Ban didn't agree to. 

"Pleeeaaaassse Ban-chan, Paul-kun… pretty pretty please?" he always would beg and whine.

To which Ban always answered, "No you baka! In case you haven't noticed, we don't have enough money to put food in our mouths let alone throw a party! Baka!" he would yell, hitting Ginji on the head with his fist.

Paul would sigh and say, "If you decide to hold a party, I'm putting it in your tab, which I may remind you, once again, for the millionth time, is getting astronomically high." He would remind Ginji.

Natsumi would always stay on Ginji's side and say, "Oh come on Master, Ban-kun. It would be fun you know. We've never had a party and now would be a good chance to a have one."

And Ban, looking up from his coffee and Paul from his newspaper would say in unison, "No!"

A chibi-Ginji would then sigh, slunk into a corner and wait patiently for a chance to convince them of his idea, perhaps on a day when Ban-chan was in a better mood… which was almost never. As always, the god of money never favored them and they were never able to make ends meet.

A typical day.

That all changed when Shido got into the picture. Followed by Kazuki, Jubei, Himiko and most frightening of all (for Ginji that is. Annoying to the rest more like.) Dr, Jackal.

Like all, ordinary mornings, it began with Ban and Ginji just sitting around like bums in the Honky Tonk, occasionally exchanging a few words or glances while waiting for Hevn to miraculously appear and get their butts of their chairs by means of giving them a job. A high-paying one of course. Mido Ban _never _took a job without a high pay, which made him frustrated when Ginji accepted jobs regardless of their salary.

This time however, it wasn't Hevn that went swinging through the Honky Tonk's doors. It was Shido. He said that he had nothing to do and wanted to see how Ginji was doing. Which as usual, led him to argue, bicker and squabble with Ban. Again. Like always. Like they say, some things never change. This, time, they were arguing who was better, which was an improvement as the only thing they used to do was call each other names.

"I'm better than you, snake bastard!" yelled Shido.

"Oh yeah?" replied Ban. "Well name at least 3 ways in which you're better than me. Go on. Oh and be sure not to include 'mooching of my rich girlfriend' in the list."

Growling menacingly, Shido said, "I do _not _mooch of Madoka. And she is _not_ my girlfriend."

To which Ban snickered, "At least not yet. Now what are you waiting for? Tell me exactly what makes you think you're better than me. Unless of course, that was all talk."

So Shido said in a sarcastic voice, "Oh let's see. They're sooo many, I don't know where to start. I'm better at fighting, at making money, at---at--" and lo and behold, the great Beatsmaster was stumped.

"Ha!" Ban laughed triumphantly, "I told you it was all talk. Now let me state the reasons why I'm better than you. One: I'm more talented. I mean at least I play an instrument, the violin. Two: I'm more educated. Three: I'm more refined and cultured. You're just a scruffy monkey lost in the middle of society. And lastly, _I'm _the better one at fighting. Hello, I beat the _Thunder Emperor _in _Mugenjou. _You were just under him, a mere subordinate. You see, I am better than you!" he crowed happily.

"Well, you may think you're good at those things but there's one thing you'll _never _be able to beat me at." said Shido.

"And what's that?" asked Ban, cocking an eyebrow at his adversary.

"You'll never out drink me, that's for sure."

"Prove it then."

"When?"

"How 'bout now? Unless you're too scared that is…"

While they argued, Ginji sat thinking on one of the bar stools. He was thinking on how he could get Ban to agree to his idea. Then it hit him.

"Hey Ban-chan," he said slowly.

Ban snapped his head back, obviously annoyed, "What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here?!"

"You said you wanted to prove that you can out drink Shido-kun, right?"

"Hell yeah."

"Then why don't you do it at the party!" he suggested excitedly. There was no way Ban would say no to this. Not when his pride was on the line.

"Sou ka! Hey listen, we're going to be having a party tomorrow night, here in the Honky Tonk. Come and we'll be able to see who's can out drink the other. What do you think?" asked Ban, sounding as though an angel had enlightened him and answered all his questions on what he should do.

"I'll be here." replied Shido gruffly, heading out the door. "See ya tomorrow Ginji." He said and turning to Ban, he said, "I bet you a million yen that I'll beat you."

"Yeah well prepare the money 'cause I'm the one going to be beating you!" replied Ban cockily.

"If I win, you'll have to pay me a million yen _and _be my personal slave for, oh say, a month. But if you win, which I remind you is highly unlikely, I'll pay you a million yen and be your personal slave for a month. Deal?" he asked, offering his hand.

"Deal." said Ban as the two rival retrievers shook hands.

With that, Shido left.

"This'll be interesting." said the amused voice of the one and only, Dr. Jackal.

Instantly, Ginji turned into his chibi form, apparently not noticing that Jackal had been there. "Wha-wha-what are you doing here?"

"Oh I was just passing by… I was bored that's all. But I have a job to attend to so if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now. " he said politely.

As he turned to leave he said, "I suppose you don't mind if I come tomorrow do you? After all, the more the merrier. Besides, if there's nothing interesting or good to look forward to, what's the point of living?"

Ginji was shaking all over as Jackal left. "Jackal… is gonna be here tomorrow… oh my god."

Paul however, was discussing the party to Ban.

"Where are you going to get the money to pay him if he wins?"

"He's not going to win. I will."

"Hmph. Well if I were you I'd rather have some back-up money just in case. And don't go looking for me if you lose and need money. Okay?"

"Relax Paul. I'll win this one for sure."

"I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you."

"That's why you're not me."

"Moving on, how on earth are you going to pay for this party of yours? I don't suppose you guys have any money do you? Because I'm not having this party if you don't pay me. Liquor's expensive you know." he complained.

Ban waved his hand carelessly. "Then buy beer. Just put it on our tab." Paul raised his eyebrow at this. "Don't be such a worrywart Paul. We'll pay you back someday when we become millionaires. Right Ginji?" Ban confidently asked his partner.

Who was sitting beside Natsumi, shaking all over.

"Why does Jackal have to come tomorrow?" he sobbed, "He scares me."

"He's not that bad Ginji." consoled Natsumi. She would have said something more had Ban not interrupted her.

"Don't worry Ginji. By tomorrow, we'll be millionaires!" he smirked confidently at his partner, which caused Ginji to grin too.

"Yeah, Ban-chan, rich!" he laughed.

And so they spent the rest of the day preparing for the party…

The day of the party arrived. Ban was in charge of meeting the guests, a job he didn't want to have.

"Why must I do this?" he complained to his partner who was jumping up and down in joy, full of excitement and eagerness.

"Because I asked you too." replied Paul firmly. "Natsumi and I are already in charge of the food and drinks.

"How 'bout Ginji?" he asked desperately.

"Quit your whining. Unless you're afraid of facing them…" he let his sentence hang there. letting the full meaning of his words sink into Ban's brain.

"Fine, I'll do it! It's not like I'm a coward or afraid of them or anything." He growled.

The first to arrive was Kazuki and Jubei. At first, Ban had demanded Kazuki to give a reason on why he was there.

"Well Ban-san, Shido told me to come, apparently so that I could watch him beat you." Ban seethed and gritted his teeth at this and would have said something nasty had Ginji not motioned Kazuki to continue. "But actually, the only reason I came here is to see Ginji and have some fun… Besides, it _would _be interesting to see who'll win." Kazuki finished.

Ban then turned to Jubei and said, "What's your excuse?" "I'm just here to guard Kazuki."

"Fine, whatever. Not like I care." He replied.

After them was Shido. "Hebiyaro." he said by way of greeting. "Sarumanshi." muttered Ban.

Next to arrive was Himiko. "Lemme guess. Jackal told you." sighed Ban

"Do you have a problem with that?" she replied testily.

"Maybe. I didn't really expect you to come, even if Jackal had told you." He shot back.

"Don't go all mushy on me. The only reason I'm here is to watch you make a fool out of yourself."

With that, Himiko turned and headed towards Kazuki and the others.

Last but not least to come was Jackal, who arrived 30 minutes late.

Himiko, despising anyone who was late, started yelling at Jackal even before he could take five steps into the room.

"What the hell took you so long?! Why are you late?!" she roared angrily. "You were supposed to be here 30 minutes ago!"

"I'm not late." He said politely. "Everybody else is simply early."

Himiko would have continued to yell at him if Paul hadn't decided to begin.

"Look, this isn't my thing but… Welcome to our party! We hope that you enjoy. Free food and drinks are available over there," he motioned to the right portion of the room where the food was set up, buffet style, "And the main event will be when Ban and Shido have a drinking contest."

After a few minutes of eating and chatting, the contest began…

Ban took the first shot of beer. It went down easily.

"Not bad," commented Shido, "For an amateur like you."

Ban ignored this and said, "Well, don't just talk there. Drink your first shot already you idiot!"

This went on for a several more shots. Watching from the sidelines were Kazuki, Jubei, Ginji, Himiko, Natsumi and Paul. All of them knew of the bet and so were anxious to see who would win. Natsumi was taping the whole thing on her video camera.

Ginji was torn between his partner and Shido. True, his partner was his best friend but Shido was a very good friend of his too. "Oh, I can't decide! If Shido wins, we'll have to pay him a million yen _and _be his slaves for a month! If Ban wins, we'll earn a million yen but Shido would be our slave for a month! I'd like Ban to win since we'd get some money but then Shido would be a slave and I'm not comfortable with that. However, if Ban-chan loses, we'd lose money and be his slaves. Hmm… I think Ban-chan ought to win… at least we'd be earning money and someone would do our chores and stuff…"

Having decided on that, he brought his fans and began cheering, "Go Ban-chan! Go Ban-chan!" to which his partner replied, "Urusai no baka! I'm trying to concentrate here!"

Shido jeered him and said, "You have to concentrate to drink?! That just proves how small you're brain is!" and so they continued to argue and drink as the others watched them.

Personally, Kazuki wanted Shido to win since that would prove to Ban that he wasn't good at everything. But then, Ginji would be sad if his partner lost. "But heck, who cares? Ginji always gets over sad and bad times, so I guess it wouldn't hurt if Shido would win." He sighed. He wanted to have a closer look but Jubei wouldn't allow him to go within 3 feet of them. "Damn, I wish he weren't so overprotective. I appreciate his concern and all but this is getting out of hand." He thought. And so he tried to get loose, to no avail as Jubei had an iron-like grip on his wrist.

Jubei looked in the direction the two retrievers drinking. "Hmm… they're starting to get drunk." Even though he was blind, he could smell a good amount of liquor from them and their words were starting to get slurred. "All the more reason to protect Kazuki from those two lunatics." He thought. After all, it was his job to protect Kazuki right? And protect him he would. Even if it meant being overprotective and even if Kazuki could take care of himself, it was to protect him. (So much like an old samurai no? If I were Kazuki, I would have gotten annoyed and left him already.)

Himiko looked at them with distaste at the two. "Idiots." She thought. "The only thing that's gonna happen is that they'll get drunk and have a massive hangover. I don't give a damn who wins." However, she was secretly rooting for Ban. "Funny," she thought, "Even though he was the one who killed aniki, I still, in a weird way, care for him." Huh. Maybe those bonds weren't so broken after all. Besides she had a bet with Jackal that Ban would win and she was most definitely going to lose her well-earned money. After all, hadn't Ban beaten Yamato at drinking when he was 16? Speaking of Jackal, where was that psychotic killing maniac?

He was across the room, watching them silently as he took a sip out of his Coke. This was interesting. He didn't' care of the outcome. Even if he had a bet with Lady Poison that Shido would win. In fact, the only reason he came was because it was fun to watch them. Interesting too. (Odd one, isn't he? He only does these things for _fun._ He picks the jobs that are _fun. _Fun, because he would probably fight the Get Backers. That and because it was_ interesting_. Those must be his two favorite words.)

Going back to Shido and Ban, both of them were equally drunk, having taken many shots already. "I'm.. sssttiillll gonnnnna beat you." slurred Ban. "Not in a, a… milllllioonn yearssssssss…" replied Shido. As everyone knew that they could drink no more, they all watched with bated breath who would fall first. They were surprised when they both fell to the floor at exactly the same time.

"Looks like we have a tie… how disappointing." Remarked Akabane. "Guess I'll be leaving now." He said as he stood and began to leave the café. All of a sudden, Shido and Ban stood up and said in a drunken voice, "Don't goooo yet…. we're not finished…" With that they got on the bar and began to dance and sing with each other… disturbingly.(Shido's lousy at singing... add that to the fact that they're drunk...)"Well will you look at that? Neither of them won!' laughed Natsumi as she recorded the two of them dancing. (Look at them! They're dance is… yes well, it's disturbing and I suggest you don't watch it.)

She began to laugh and everyone looked at her strangely. "This'll be good to use as blackmail!" she laughed, smirking evilly. All at once, the others joined with her, as they watched Ban and Shido dance on the bar. "I knew they'd make fools of themselves!" howled Himiko. Kazuki grinned from ear to ear and said, "Natsumi, I want a copy of that tape. That way, I can get Shido to do anything I want him to do even if he doesn't like it!" Jubei, however, was quite clueless. "What's happening?! Is something wrong?" which caused them to laugh even harder. Ginji asked them, "So does that mean Ban-chan and I won't get any money?"

All in all, it was truly a night to remember.

The next day, after they had both been sent home, (at least Shido was. Ban and Ginji slept in the Ladybug, as usual.) they both complained of a heavy hangover. Hevn, who had gone to the Honky Tonk to bring them a job, reprimanded them, saying, "Well its your fault. You shouldn't have drank so much. Now how on earth are you going to do this job?!"

And if that wasn't enough, Natsumi later asked Ban for the sweets she wanted, the ones he had promised to buy her when he had lost the ping pong match they had played when they were in the hot springs.

"I don't have money right now!" he howled, having a terrible migrain.

"But if you don't" she said slyly, "I'll show everyone this video of you and Shido dancing… you would be a laughing stock you know." She then proceeded to show him what she had recorded the night before. Ban was horrified at what had happened whereas the others were laughing. "Is that what really happened?!" asked Hevn, tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.

"Fine, I'll do it…" Ban muttered angrily as he stepped out of the door. "But you just wait and see," he muttered, "I'll get that tape, if it's the last thing I do!!!"

End

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Author's Notes: 

baka- idiot

urusai no baka - shut up you idiot

aniki - another term for big or older brother

hebiyaro - snake bastard

sarumanshi - monkey trainer

Did you guys enjoy? Not very funny, I know but it's the best I can do.

Sorry if the letters are too close or the paragraphs are too long... just deal with it!

Please review!! XD


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